My 50th Birthday

I’m turning 50 today, and realising that I have survived five decades. I recall a conversation I had with friend on this exact day thirty years ago. Several of my friends back then were in their late teens and early twenties. We were all gay—and convinced that gay life beyond thirty must be hell, and beyond forty—death? Fifty was so ridiculous that we decided that we probably were all dead by then.

Here I am, still feeling young and in deep denial of my own ageing. Life is still good, and even gay men find some appreciation in a culture driven by youth and the admiration of twinks and well-trained, hairless bodies. But things have developed for the better.

Something happened in the gay community around 2010 when the first Bear Bars opened their doors in America. It became a global phenomenon. Bear Culture is about embracing men with hair, belly, and who don’t care about being fit. A gay scene for mature men who looks as such. I found a home here.

Another major thing that has shaped me into the man I am today is the rediscovery of my Jewishness. When I was younger, I couldn’t care less about Judaism, and few friends know about it because I never spoke of it. Besides, Swedes in general known close to nothing about Judaism—they think it’s like Christianity, a religion based on whether you believe in Jesus or not. However, Judaism is about lifestyle. You can be a good Jew by leaving according to the rules. Refraining from pork is more important than believing in God.

Today, on my fiftieth birthday, I feel happy with the man I’ve become. I’m married to a man I love—we met in 1998. Together we own a second home in Spain. I earned a master’s degree and specialised in legal cases with bearing on religious freedom, and now get to travel throughout Europe and met meet many interesting scholars when I do. And I just recently got a new job that I’m really excited about. Life is good.

Thanks to all people who made me stick around for fifty years!