Masturbate for a Good Cause

Do you like to masturbate? Do you like charity? Can you travel to Washington DC on 8 September? If so, sign up for the Masturbate-a-thon. It was a great success when a similar event was held in London in August. Now it’s time for the Americans to show that they too can come for a good cause.

OK, I have to admit that I didn’t attend the London masturbation marathon myself—I just couldn’t resist writing about it. And speaking of masturbation, what about this:

”Bill O’Reilly wrapped up the War on Christmas, Stephen Colbert has been trying to crack the War on Easter, but this May a different war is coming, and it’s loaded and ready to pop—the War on Masturbation.”

Yes, apparently, there is a war going on, and I’m willing to fight until the end. The first thing I’ll do is to put on my anti-war button.

I hope you’ll join the fight!

Update: When I wrote this entry I thought of it as something of a joke, but some seem to take the subject very seriously. A guru who calls himself Dada Vedaprainanda has devoted a lot of time and energy fighting masturbation. On his website he writes:

”This information has never been revealed before and is provides solutions to problems such as masturbation, which affects 500 million men and women all over the world. Looking at things from a completely different perspective, and using a sharp rationality combined with ancient knowledge dating back thousand of years, we give solutions to the problems that people face today.”

Yeah, that’s so convincing, I just have to believe it. My hands are now devoted to non-sexual activities only.